definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
