Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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