I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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