You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize