You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
