he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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