No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
