My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
