the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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