I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
