I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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