I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize