So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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