she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
