non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
