you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
