he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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