Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize