Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
