remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize