I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And then he peed in my hair
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
