woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
