In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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