it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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