You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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