nut hugger
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had sex bonerless
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
