her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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