the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
