First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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