so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
