i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
