its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize