i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
