What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
