yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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