Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize