if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
