Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
