Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
