i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
