he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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