This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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