I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize