the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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