That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he fucked my hip out of place.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
