ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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