Well apparently he's into motor boating.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
