hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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