I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
