I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
