went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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