I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize