can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
