OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
