I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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