this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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