I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
