But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Houston, we have a squirter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
