hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize