I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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