Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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