just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
