So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
