She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
