God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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