I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
