Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
