What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
