Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
